Most Kids my Age
Most kids my age float and flutter on clouds in their homes
Lit with the sunny glow of cell phones.
They talk to their friends without thought of the end.
They box and brawl over the latest shawl at the local mall.
They fly in the sky with dreams in their eyes. Easy, simple and filled with pride.
So tell me why I
Wear clothes I don’t like and a smile that doesn’t suit me?
Living in a world of violence and crudity
I want no regrets
Instead it’s constant judgement day
And life’s a constant threat
Why do I
Say goodbye
Proceed to cry
Leaving a slippery trail of tears
Desperately try
To mop up the soaking wet
Years of fears
Why can't I just disappear?
Instead?
Overthinking every word I said
Only to dread
The peaceful bliss of sleep?
Why do I
Spend longer than I should
Looking at my mirror
Just to see clearer
That I am inferior.
She does that better
He said it first
I can’t do that
I never will
Most kids my age run to the school yard at 8am
To tell their friends
The latest trends
They sit perfectly poised with their practised posture.
They Bat their eyelashes and swipe their hair back with a sparkly hair tie
They look me up and down and swat me like a fly.
Why do you not like me?
Like us?
Is it because we have hair on our faces or places society said was gross
Or the fact that we don’t fit in the box of impossible beauty standards you put us in.
It is because I look too happy to be cool
Or to be popular you have to be cruel
Is it because I’m too weird for you and make friends with the unlikely
Or the fact I just wanted to talk to people who are like me
Is it because my hair frizzes up in a tangled mess
Or how I walk with a song in my step
Is it that I have to be “different” and “unique” to fit in
When we all know that the “different” you always talk about is the same as everyone else.
I’m drowning in a sea alone
I see a boat
The people look me up and down
And say you’re fine kid
You’re afloat
I’m drowning in your words
In your judgmental stares
The way you look so effortless
The way you flip your hair
The way you’re so much better
The way you tell me lies
The way I feel disgusting
And the way you make me cry
They say “just be yourself” but what if I don’t know who that is anymore.
Most kids my age frolic in fragrant fields of forget me nots
Why am I simply forgotten?
Most kids my age charm and cheat their way to checkmate
Why Am I simply a pawn?
They say your being dramatic
But
I mean it’s not like
My dreams
Buried underneath
My crooked teeth
My beliefs
Buried underneath
My gruesome grief
My feet
Dancing to the beat
Buried underneath
Layers of concrete
Trying to retreat
And stuck in the backseat
When I just want to drive
My history
Buried underneath
Cheap critique
And disbelief
And feeling incomplete
I disagree
Buried underneath
My need to please
I need to breathe
In and out
Up and down
And think this through
Now I ask you. Breathe.
In and out
Up and down
And think this through.
Most kids my age are monsters under my bed
Imaginary creatures
Saying the words in my head
Most kids my age are a needle and thread
Stitching the narrative i've already read
Most kids my age say words I’ve already said
You thought you killed me
But I just bled
I made the wound
You made it bleed
My life consumed
To the peaceful bliss of sleep
Most kids my age
Feel the same
These words i recite on this stage
Reflect our pain
A Word of wisdom?
You are not alone.
You are enough.
By: Stella Spergel , 11 years-old
Lit with the sunny glow of cell phones.
They talk to their friends without thought of the end.
They box and brawl over the latest shawl at the local mall.
They fly in the sky with dreams in their eyes. Easy, simple and filled with pride.
So tell me why I
Wear clothes I don’t like and a smile that doesn’t suit me?
Living in a world of violence and crudity
I want no regrets
Instead it’s constant judgement day
And life’s a constant threat
Why do I
Say goodbye
Proceed to cry
Leaving a slippery trail of tears
Desperately try
To mop up the soaking wet
Years of fears
Why can't I just disappear?
Instead?
Overthinking every word I said
Only to dread
The peaceful bliss of sleep?
Why do I
Spend longer than I should
Looking at my mirror
Just to see clearer
That I am inferior.
She does that better
He said it first
I can’t do that
I never will
Most kids my age run to the school yard at 8am
To tell their friends
The latest trends
They sit perfectly poised with their practised posture.
They Bat their eyelashes and swipe their hair back with a sparkly hair tie
They look me up and down and swat me like a fly.
Why do you not like me?
Like us?
Is it because we have hair on our faces or places society said was gross
Or the fact that we don’t fit in the box of impossible beauty standards you put us in.
It is because I look too happy to be cool
Or to be popular you have to be cruel
Is it because I’m too weird for you and make friends with the unlikely
Or the fact I just wanted to talk to people who are like me
Is it because my hair frizzes up in a tangled mess
Or how I walk with a song in my step
Is it that I have to be “different” and “unique” to fit in
When we all know that the “different” you always talk about is the same as everyone else.
I’m drowning in a sea alone
I see a boat
The people look me up and down
And say you’re fine kid
You’re afloat
I’m drowning in your words
In your judgmental stares
The way you look so effortless
The way you flip your hair
The way you’re so much better
The way you tell me lies
The way I feel disgusting
And the way you make me cry
They say “just be yourself” but what if I don’t know who that is anymore.
Most kids my age frolic in fragrant fields of forget me nots
Why am I simply forgotten?
Most kids my age charm and cheat their way to checkmate
Why Am I simply a pawn?
They say your being dramatic
But
I mean it’s not like
My dreams
Buried underneath
My crooked teeth
My beliefs
Buried underneath
My gruesome grief
My feet
Dancing to the beat
Buried underneath
Layers of concrete
Trying to retreat
And stuck in the backseat
When I just want to drive
My history
Buried underneath
Cheap critique
And disbelief
And feeling incomplete
I disagree
Buried underneath
My need to please
I need to breathe
In and out
Up and down
And think this through
Now I ask you. Breathe.
In and out
Up and down
And think this through.
Most kids my age are monsters under my bed
Imaginary creatures
Saying the words in my head
Most kids my age are a needle and thread
Stitching the narrative i've already read
Most kids my age say words I’ve already said
You thought you killed me
But I just bled
I made the wound
You made it bleed
My life consumed
To the peaceful bliss of sleep
Most kids my age
Feel the same
These words i recite on this stage
Reflect our pain
A Word of wisdom?
You are not alone.
You are enough.
By: Stella Spergel , 11 years-old
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